So I’m having one of those weeks (I know, it’s only Wednesday) where I am really not wanting to be a grown-up. You know the type. Too much responsibility, bills to pay, errands to run. Issues to handle, laundry to fold, dinners to come up with. I keep thinking back to when I was a kid, and all I had to do was sit on the couch (usually in front of the TV, it was the 70′s) and wait to be told it was time to come eat dinner, or go to sleep, or get up. Why did I not appreciate that more? And worse, why did I spend ANY of it whining about how I couldn’t wait to grow up and have more freedom? For WHAT? Going to the post office? Scheduling dentist appointments?
*sigh*
I can always tell when I’m in this mode because all I REALLY want to do is 1) buy a Slurpee and drive fast on back roads with the radio up really loud and 2) crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Both are still do-able, but frowned upon when you are a mother. Take last night. All I wanted was to drink a glass of wine, watch Dance Moms, and eat potato chips for dinner. But I needed to go to preschool Parents Night, make a healthy salad, and put together checklists of things I need to do in the coming days. Okay, just WRITING that makes me want a Slurpee.
Somehow, there has to be a balance, right? Between blowing off steam and having to constantly organize your plastic containers by size, shape and use? There’s a middle ground, somewhere, between the grownup me at 41 (okay, writing THAT makes me want two Slurpees) and the carefree days of, say, 12 or 13. (I will not say anytime between 14-25 was carefree: you can’t make me.) I think the closest thing I get, actually, is hanging out with my daughter. Yesterday I was awash with Responsibilities and Things That Needed Doing. Everywhere I turned I felt like I was hitting up against something, none of it good. Then I sat down with my kid to watch Max and Ruby, where the biggest problem is misplacing an ant farm, or losing a tooth in a cupcake. Drama! But on Max and Ruby, tellingly, there ARE no parents. And hardly any adults. I don’t know who is buying stamps and scheduling teeth cleanings in that universe. Maybe they don’t need them. I mean, they are rabbits.
Okay, I just read over that last paragraph. I don’t sound old, I sound insane.
In the end, though, preschool Parent night was just what I needed. Since I left teaching at UNC, I have no real sense of the academic year anymore. Growing up with professors for parents, my year ALWAYS began in late August and ended in early May, even when my own school ran a bit later. I knew I missed school supplies (I mean, who wouldn’t?) but there is also that sense of everything being fresh and new right as a the school year begins. The teachers at my daughters school were SO pumped. They are awesome. They’re exhausted from all the prep but literally cannot WAIT until the halls are bursting with kids, even with all the chaos it brings. Their enthusiasm is kind of contagious. And luckily, the love of a clean slate and fresh start is ageless. It will ALWAYS appeal to me, just like opening up a new notebook to the very first, clean page.
Speaking of which, I REALLY need to get back to writing. First, though, a Slurpee. Maybe.
Have a good day, everyone!
As I get older I realise how easily that grown up stuff can wear me down. Speaking of Slurpees, my husband is British – his first order when we get to Florida is to get a Slurpee. I miss them too.
Your post was exactly what I needed this morning, because it’s exactly how I feel. I, too, am 41, but my kids are older (12 and 9). I would suggest blasting that car radio when you get a moment without the kids in the car. I do that all the time when I’m not in my immediate neighborhood. Actually, it was only recently that I discovered my music could be heard outside the car when my windows are closed. I enjoy a wide range of music styles, but I happened to be playing Nine-Inch Nails when I pulled into the grammar school parking lot last year and heads started turning. Oops. I’m more conscious of it now.
Had to laugh when you mentioned sort plastic containers. You should see my cabinets. I’m moving way too fast to stop and sort. Need to though, definitely.
Isn’t it funny how, like you said, when you’re young all you want is to be a grown-up, yet when you are one, you just want the carefree life of a child? That’s what makes the world go round, I suppose.
I agree, there is something so refreshing about clean binders, crisp notebook paper, and enthusiastic teachers (who haven’t been worn down yet from the strain of classes). My favorite thing about September, though, is the weather. It’s so nice to have a little chill in the air, it makes everything more cozy inside.
Enjoy your slushie!
I feel you on everything you just said! I’m 25 with 3 kids, and pretty over this whole “adult” thing! My children are 5, 2 and 4 months. My youngest is actually named Owen after your character in Just Listen. So hang in there girl, cause if you weren’t an adult, you couldn’t have wrote such amazing books and then I wouldn’t have an awesome story to tell my son when he gets older. Smile!
See ya on Twitter! <3
Oh how I love reading your blog!!!
I’m glad you didn’t say that your teenage years were carefree (I’m turning 17 and starting sixth form College – stocking up on notebooks and stationary at the moment!
), because we’re often told that these years should be the best days of our life, but at the mo they are the least carefree and most stressful ones we’ve had so far… so I’m kinda glad that you agree – I mean, you have to really to be able to write such great YA novels!
I was wondering how far Irene came to you, as in the UK we were told that NC was hit, but obviously it must have missed you, as you haven’t mentioned it.
Hope you get you slushie (they must be better over there, because here I don’t know why they actually make them! ), and just go for it and play your music loud, it’s hardly a crime just because you are a mother.
I hear ya, Sarah. I’m 38 with two kids (6 and 2) and I miss the old me. Went on a shopping trip out of town the other day by myself. Blasted the grunge on the way there (no kids’ music that’s for sure), ate at a cafe (without interruptions of cleaning or calming children) and unexpectedly ran into an old friend (who really took me back to the old me). If you find a secret to having a balance, please post on your blog! (which I love to read)
Sarah, I am glad you brought this up today. I am feeling the exact same way! I have been sitting here researching so many young adult books that I want to add to my list and keep thinking about how I am now 25, married with two kids, and still fascinated with the young adult world. I got married at 18 and had my first child at 19 (all due to an unexpected pregnancy) so my early adult years were stripped away pretty fast. I, myself am regressing and wishing I could go back to a more simpler time. Ahhhh to lay on the couch and watch Sweet Valley High or TGIF with Sabrina the Teenage Witch and gab with my friend over the phone again! Life with no bills=bliss!
I’m a teacher, and our parent night is tonight. I’m so sad that summer’s over.
Haha, I’m not a mother, I’m 16. But I hate how summer ended… I started school today, and it was sooooooo boring!!!! All they talked about were rules rules and more rules.
it sucked. Hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting. Wish me luck!!! 
adios!
I always regress. I’m twenty-five when I am feeling to stressed out I just watch one of my old Disney movies, that always makes me feel like a kid again. And you are never to old for a slurpee I had one the other day and it was delecious. Everytime I have one I think of Ruby in Lock and Key. I hope you find that happy balance it is a hard thing to do but hang in there.
Oh, man, I feel you on this one. Getting older brings on so much unwanted responsibility. Sure there is freedom involved, but is it worth it? No, probably not. There are so many things that I have to do today that I am dreading (packing for college, running errands, cleaning, buying books, figuring out finances). Sometimes I just feel like yelling, “Im just a kid!” But, I am technically not a kid anymore. This post definitely struck a chord with me today.
I know exactly how you feel Sarah!! I’m 22 and I have two 4 year olds. They started preschool today, and I managed to finally get them to bed with full on excitment to go back tomorrow… And I still hear them running around right now. I miss when they were babies. :,( oh well.. My husband and I are both teachers. He teaches middle school, and I teach 5th grade.
guilty is charged, and worrying about somebody taking your crush away from you. Haha. Miss those days…
anyone know a 24 hour drive thru with
anyways, thank you Sarah for writing about things I can 100% relate to. Cant wait to see you in Canada. Night all!!
I sometimes wish i was 12 again.. Where I wouldnt worry about paying stupid bills and stuff… Just hanging out with friends… Watching tv 24/7
A slurpee sounds good now that I think about it.
slurpees?!
Sarah, I am so with you! I want to be a kid again when my biggest worry was not failing my algebra test. Chips for dinner sounds fabulous, but no, I have to be the responsible parent who feeds my kids healthy food. Alas, to be a teen again just for a day or two would be so fun.
I kind of want to buy a Slurpee, watch Dance Moms, and eat potato chips now for the rest of my life…
I Just started reading your blog i been reading your books since lock and key came out . (:
i’m about to watch How To Deal the movie i really hope its good but the books are always better . you have a gift . (:
Sarah, I enjoyed this entry so much. I’m 36 years old and in denial about it because I certainly don’t FEEL 36. I do grown-up stuff. I pay bills. I can drive a car. I work. I schedule appointments and buy groceries. I have a son who calls me “mom” and that still blows my mind. I don’t feel like a grown-up.
I guess that’s why I buy and play with toys. And I play games on the computer. And I tell fart jokes to my 8-year old.
Finding that balance can be tricky. I want to indulge the kid in me, but I still want to take care of things so I can indulge guilt-free.
OH, and I was in Target sniffing the binders the other day, trying to find that certain scent. You know which one I’m talking about. It’s hard to find anymore, with everything being PVC free and stuff.
I find it so funny how the whole issue of age is quite individualistic. I think so many people get caught up in what they are supposed to do or have done by a certain age, that they fail to realize life is all about the journey- not the destination. So, if playing music loudly on a back road or slipping a slurpy (say *that* 10 times fast!) makes you feel better or rejuvinated in some way: GO FOR IT! There are no rules to growing up, and no one’s keeping score. Do the things that will one day make you smile as you reflect back. A lot of people think childhood abandons us- leaving us behind for lands of make believe tea parties. But, no…it is we who abandon it, with lofty desires of freedom, no curfews, and miles of road to travel. As the Byrds said it so eliquently during the 70′s, “To everything, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn. And a good time to every purpose under heaven.” Wise words
I’m 24 btw and STILL don’t always feel like an adult.