This weekend, we’re having a baby shower here. And I am so unprepared.

I mean, I’m sort of ready. I have most of the food, the plates and napkins and such (thank you, Target!) drinks, the invitations are out, most RSVPs in. It’s more the mental aspect that I’m having trouble with, i.e., there are going to be twenty or so people in my house in a few days. Yikes!

Now, I’ve done a couple of bridal showers—the last just in April—but this is the first baby one, so it’s a little different. The other night, Bianca and I were on the phone discussing whether or not we should force people to play a game at this shower. We decided we should because, in her words, “What are we going to do with them otherwise?” So, still on the phone, she went online and looked up a few shower sites for possible games. And some of them were just AWFUL.

I swear to you, there was one called “Guess the Poop!” which involved putting various substances into diapers—-rocky road ice cream, peanut butter, etc—and then passing them around for people to, I guess, sniff and guess. Oh.My.God. I said to Bianca, “Okay, I think we’re getting into a weird area here.” Another possibility: hand out toilet paper rolls to all the guests, and everyone pulls off the amount they think it would take to go around the Mommy’s tummy. But, the site warned, if the mother was, um, sensitive about her weight, maybe this isn’t the game to play. To which I’d say: You think? And on and on. Some were just gross, like the diaper one, some bizarre (everyone has to put a quarter between their knees, then try to walk across the room and drop it into a bottle—this to simulate being very pregnant and having to pee! Fun, right?). You just have to wonder what someone from another planet, just dropping in, would think about all this. It’s insane. You don’t even have to BE from another planet, actually. It’s just nuts.

Finally, we agreed on this game where you take little tiny plastic babies, put them in a dixie cup with a drop of food coloring, and then freeze them. When people arrive, you give them a cup, and whoever’s melts first so they can pull out the baby wins. It’s supposed to be like water breaking, get it? (I know, it sounds crazy too, but it was the best of the bunch, believe me.) Which led to me at Michael’s, on Sunday morning, standing in huge line with my three bags of plastic babies and thinking…oh, God, I don’t even know what I was thinking. And I didn’t want to know what anyone else was thinking either.

Oh, well. It’s going to be a grand time, at any rate, and that’s what really matters. Right? Right. Now, I just have to clean my house…

have a good day everyone!