I’m being hard on myself today, which isn’t ALL that unusual (as I am always slightly neurotic). As they say on Starting Over, however, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. So today, I will forgive myself for two things and try to move on.
The first is this: I have been sucked back into American Idol. I held out for what, three weeks? Maybe two? Pathetic. I was doing really well, to be honest, not paying attention to it at all, but then NOTHING was on on Tuesday night last week, so I set the Tivo to tape it and then….well, you can probably guess, right? I watched on Wednesday. Added it to my Season Pass. It’s all over now. And I was doing so well, trimming down my TV watching! I could almost feel myself becoming more intellectual. (Really!) I didn’t even want to admit this on here, but I felt compelled to be honest. So there you have it.
The second thing I’m down on myself about today is how completely and totally gullible I am. Not when it comes to everything, but one thing in particular: my dog. Here’s the deal. My dog Monkey is three years old and still totally a puppy: he also has some anxiety issues (no pontificating on why, please) which necessitate him being put in a dog crate when we leave the house. Otherwise, he goes totally nuts, freaking out, slobbering uncontrollably (no, I’m not kidding) and tearing the house apart. Needless to say, he doesn’t like the crate any more than he likes me leaving. The thing is, he can now tell the difference between when I’m just going out (and could be back anywhere from an hour to longer) and when I’m going to school (definitely a few hours, minimum). I think it’s either my school bag, or the fact that I’m dressed up. Or maybe he’s just madly intelligent. Who knows? The point is that as soon as I begin leaving behavior (and the bag appears) he runs to the back door, acting desperate to go outside. Even if he has just been. And I KNOW he is faking. I also know that once he’s outside, he will NOT come back in, and I will have to go outside and physically drag him up the stairs, most likely getting dog poop on my nice work shoes in the process.
Like I said, I KNOW these things. And yet, when he’s standing there at the door, moaning and whining, scratching, I always have this little bit of doubt, like, what if he really does have to go? And I don’t let him, and then he’s in the crate for three hours? The upshot is that I fall for it everytime, as I did today. He goes out, does absolutely nothing except make it clear he will not come back in, and the scolding and dragging commences. And then I say, “That’s it! Never again! You have cried wolf (so to speak) for the last time.” I am very firm on this. At least until the next time. Manipulative little sucker.
I have been beating myself up about this all the way to work, and I just have to stop. Maybe I am just gullible. I am everyone’s favorite target on April Fool’s Day, have been for years. But I guess there are worse things than giving people (and dogs) the benefit of the doubt. Worse things like…being addicted to American Idol? Or not. Forgiveness, people. That’s what it’s all about today. Forgiveness.
have a good one everyone….