As I write this, there are no less than fifty daddy long-leg spiders on my front door. Which means that, inevitably, when I leave the house in a few minutes, one will fall off and into my hair, or onto my shoulder, at which point I will shriek, and flail about, slapping myself and cursing, and then the dogs will start barking, and is that really any kind of way to start your day?
No. It’s not. Unfortunately, it’s also par for the course lately, as we’re being inundated by spiders. Now, I’ve written here before that I believe in being nice to spiders. I do not squash or kill them, ever. I trap them in glasses and put them outside. But this is getting ridiculous. Just a couple of weeks ago, when the weather began to change, it started, daddy longlegs appearing on the front door, and front steps. (I know there’s probably a scientific name for them, but this is the one I know, and the one I will use.) Everytime you open the door, a couple fall inside, or skitter across the threshold, then disappear, only to resurface when I’m sitting on the couch and suddenly find one walking up my arm. Cue the shrieks and shudders. Just because I respect spiders does not mean I want them ON me, okay?
The insect visitation seems to go in waves and categories. In the spring, it was ladybugs. Then millipedes. Now we’re onto the eight-legged variety, and I have to admit, niceness aside, I am OVER it. Big time. My husband will just grab them by one leg and put them back outside, but people: I draw the line with the full contact. It just makes me shudder. I’m shuddering NOW, just thinking about it. Ick. Oh, my god.
*takes deep breath*
I guess it could be worse. It could be mice, which make me not shriek but scream, or bats, which I have never actually seen up close but am relatively sure would make me pass out. And I can’t really blame them for wanting to come in: it’s warm, the house is nice, we usually have a candle burning that smells like blueberry muffins. But still, it’s time for a boundary, some tough love. Or maybe I’ll just start using the side door. Hmmm…