Yesterday, I bought a red purse. This was a big deal for me: usually, I stick to black in all shoes and accessories, because I am just that cautious. In the last year or so, though, I’ve ventured outside my boring fashion sense a bit, here and there. I bought two green bags, and some brown shoes. (I know, brown might as well be black, but baby steps, people!) Anyway, so yesterday I was doing some shopping and I saw this red purse. It had little studs on it, kind of boho-retro, very cute. And it was on sale, although on sale at Nordstrom, which is kind of like on sale at Banana Republic, i.e. still not all that cheap. But I digress.
I picked up the purse, checked it out, tried it on. It was very cute. But even so, I was thinking, this isn’t really my kind of purse. It would look great on someone like, say, my friend Dana, but she also can pull off leopard print heels and look gorgeous, something I won’t attempt even in my dreams. Still, I was feeling confident, kind of sassy. So I bought it.
You know when you go up to pay for something in a store, and you really have one of two feelings? Either you feel exhilirated or excited, or you have that little niggling feeling that maybe…you shouldn’t go through with it. That’s your gut talking, and yesterday, I ignored it. And I shouldn’t have, because it is usually right. All the way home, I kept glancing at my new purse and thinking, nope. It’s just not me.
It’s really not just a shopping thing, though. Lately I’ve been trying to trust my gut a bit more, and I’ve found when I do, it steers me the right way. My first thought, the automatic one that comes before I can start to convince myself one way or another, is usually the right one. This is the same approach I take whenever I watch Jeopardy!: if I don’t know the answer—and I often don’t, unless the category is television, book or pop culture related—I just yell the first thing that pops into my head. And I’m right more often than you’d even believe. It’s scary.
It’s just hard, I guess, to trust that first voice you hear, when so many others chime in right after. But I am determined, these days, to quiet myself and pay attention to those first few moments, hear what is being said. Okay, so maybe I ignored that inner shout saying “YOU WILL NOT USE A KICKY RED PURSE! SAVE YOUR MONEY!” But I’m lucky, because in this case, what’s done can be undone. Or returned. It’s the things that are not so easily fixed that are even more important. What can I say, I’m working on it. Decision by decision, thought by thought. Day by day.