There are some things, that, in my experience, are just NEVER a good idea. Such as: cutting your own bangs. (Big mistake. Huge!) Answering honestly, and without thought, in the affirmative when someone asks you “Do these make me look fat?” (There’s got to be a way to sidestep it. Got to be!) The Electric Slide. (I’m sorry, but nobody looks good doing that dance.) And buying pistachios at Whole Foods.
I have learned about the others but this last one, I do. In fact, just a couple of days ago, I fell again for that crafty Whole Foods trick, where they put the pistachios out in their sunny netted bag, on sale, and you think, “Oh, those look tasty and healthy,” and toss them into your cart. Then, if you’re me, you bring them home, open the bag, and it’s on.
I CANNOT stop eating these pistachios. They are like the crack of nuts. Every time I’m anywhere near the kitchen, I grab a handful, then work my way through them, faster than a squirrel, tossing the shells aside. Then I grab another handful. There’s just something about them: their pretty plain shells (as a kid, I loved the red ones, but think of all those chemicals in that dye!) the snap as you open them, the clack as you toss the shells away. Plus, the taste, all sweet and salty and quick. Good God. You see how I am? It’s horrible.
Or, maybe not. I could be cutting my own bangs, offending various people AND doing the electric slide. That would be worse. Doing all three with pistachios, though…perfection. Or pretty close. See? See how they are?