Is it just me, or is this week really hard to get settled into? Yesterday felt like Monday, today feels like Tuesday….and yet tomorrow is Friday. Some people are back at work and school, many others don’t go back until Monday. It feels like a holiday still…kinda.
What it DOES feel like here, finally, is winter. Brrrr! It’s been really cold, so cold I’m scared to leave the house with the baby because I worry she’ll get sick. But you don’t really get sick because you get cold, do you? I mean, logically I know that getting sick requires germs and bugs and all that. But whenever I have her out and it’s cold, I worry. I worry about everything, though, so it’s not like this is new. If I thought I had irrational fears BEFORE, man, was I wrong. Having a baby gives you a million more things to be worried about. It’s like every terrible thing in the world is suddenly personal. Forget the cold: that’s the reason I don’t want to leave the house.
(But we do leave the house. We have to. You can’t live your life afraid, boxed up in a room. You just have to bundle up—literally, spiritually, however you can—and head out to face what’s there. Easier some days then others, but isn’t that the case with just about everything?)
Meanwhile, the baby is into music. She loves all the music that plays on her Exersaucer (and there’s a lot, as my husband insisted on buying the biggest, best one they make) but she especially likes it when I sing to her. Now, I have terrible singing voice, so she’s pretty much the only person who has ever displayed pure, unadulterated joy at the sound of it. I mean, I bust out a little “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad,” (accompanying the music on the Exersaucer) and you should see how excited she gets. You’d think I was Allison Krauss or something. So today I was singing a little “Clementine,” since that is her middle name, and realized I didn’t really know all the words. So I went online and looked them up and…man, is that a depressing song. All those years singing it as a kid I guess I never really paid attention to the lyrics (which you can read here, if you don’t know them either). A girl drowning? In her sandals? While taking her ducks (sob!) to the river? I don’t know if this is appropriate for children, even if the site claims it’s a good lesson about the importance of learning how to swim. I know the world is dangerous–as I said above—but does SHE necessarily have to know it, at this young age?
Maybe I’ll just stick to the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Sure, there are some panicky moments, but it all works out in the end.