It’s the end of the weekend and I’m feeling a serious sense of the Sundays. Thankfully, there is something to look forward to: the Video Music Awards. (What, you thought I was going to say Masterpiece Theatre?) I always have to approach the VMAs with caution, as I am old enough to remember the very FIRST one (and life as it was before MTV existed at all, back when we painted on cave walls and thought the world was flat). Every year when I watch I am reminded how much I have aged out of MTVs target demographic. I mean, yeah, I know who Eminem is, and Lady Gaga (although she totally confuses me) but a lot of the other people I only recognize from US Weekly, not their music. When you’re feeling that beginning of the week dread, though, distraction is a good thing. So I will be watching, even if I am channeling my mother, circa 1984: “Why is she dressed like that? What did he say? I can’t even understand this music!” Oh, well.

In other news, I can’t TELL you how excited I am that so many of you gave my beloved Friday Night Lights a try on ABC Family. All weekend I’ve been getting comments here and on Twitter from folks who say they finally understand what the fuss is about. Yes! I’m thrilled and thankful. I swear, I feel like a cult member when it comes to this show. I’m about two seconds away from handing out flowers in the airport and playing the tambourine, but I WILL not rule that out if it means I can enlighten the world about Tim Riggins and Matt Saracen. My dignity: a small price to pay.

Finally, I’ve had a weekend of various failures–none major, just the middling kind—which has got me thinking. Sometimes I swear I get so discouraged because I think I can just MAKE something happen, or someone do something I want them to, if I only try harder, or am smarter, or work more. Let me just tell you, in case you are wondering: this is a losing proposition. You can’t make anyone do anything: all you can control is yourself, and even then it’s not always guaranteed. I have friends who say, “Let go and let God,” but I’m not a very religious person, so I think I need my own version of that. Maybe just letting go would be a good first step. I want to be a good mom, and a good wife, and a good daughter. A good friend, a good writer, a good person. That’s a big enough job, right, without getting involved with making everyone else a certain way. Why is it that here, at forty, I am still just as stymied by making my way in the world than I was twenty five years ago, when I was watching the VMAs in my scrunchie and zipper-cuffed jeans and thinking, “Ah, someday, all of this will be easier” ? And it is. And….it isn’t. And that, from Madonna to Gaga, is one thing that never changes.

Have a good night, everyone!